Dealing with personal assistant

Dealing with your over zealous Personal Assistant by Bill Lee-Emery

Disclaimer: this is the stuff of fantasy and metaphor. There is no ‘personal assistant' walking around inside your head armed with a diary, scheduler and palm pilot. It just seems that way. The following idea is based on the premise (from the model of Psychosynthesis, Roberto Assagioli) - that everything you do has an inner positive intention behind it. The problem lies in that the inner positive intention does not always find an outer positive expression and can come out in negative or inappropriate behaviour. For example, the inner positive intention behind bullying may be to cover up personal insecurities. It is a protection device, albeit not a morally or socially acceptable one.

Sometimes a simple restructuring of the job description is enough.

Let's give it a try. I want you to pretend you are a personal assistant. You are dedicated, persevering and ever vigilant. Your whole mission in life is to be the best support possible for your boss.

Now, imagine the ideal conditions you prefer to work under and what would your ideal boss be like. These might include a compelling vision for life or the business, clear plans of action, well laid out action steps and items to delegate. It could also include accountability, responsibility, celebration and reward. You might enjoy working with someone who has a sense of humour, is friendly, open and a good listener. In fact take a moment to write out the ideal working conditions and your ideal boss. Go ahead; it will just take you a few minutes.

Now think of how you are as a ‘boss'. What are your natural strengths? List them. Don't hold back or be modest! Conversely, are there any areas you need to improve? Do you do what you say you will do? Do you express your vision clearly and articulately? Are you sometimes confusing in getting your message out there? Do you give too much detail when describing a task to someone? Do you skip or become bored by details?

Given that this is a two way relationship, what actions do you need to take so that your personal assistant is clear on their role and responsibilities? Write up a job description as you would for a real job applicant. Put everything in the document that adds to clarity. Reread and edit as needed.

Now put your ‘personal assistant' hat on again. Look at this document from the eyes of the personal assistant. How does it seem? Fair? Demanding? What do you like and dislike? Edit the document until it is clear and fair to you ‘both'.

So by now you will have a document that clearly describes the role, responsibilities and working parameters for your personal assistant that is agreeable to you both. The final step is integration.

Find a quiet place where you will be undisturbed for 10 – 15 minutes. Imagine you could talk to your inner personal assistant. This time your mission is not to argue rather it is to get to a tangible win/win situation. Explain you have not always been clear in your requests and instructions and that you realize that is not a useful attitude from which to manage. You want to make positive changes in the relationship. You understand and fully appreciate the value of your personal assistant, perhaps for the first time ever. You have grown and changed. And in the spirit of reconciliation, you want to establish new guidelines for working together and offer the document as a working plan for the future. Ask your personal assistant to notice the change in attitude, the appreciation and the anticipation for a better working relationship. Since this is new, suggest a trial period to find how it all fits together, say around a month. That way, any glitches in communication can be ironed out equitably and intelligently. Enter into your diary, one month from now a date and time when you can sit down together again and bring to the table any changes either party wishes to make. Of course, any time in the future you can get together and make other changes as needed.

Conclusion: your ‘personal assistant' is a metaphor for a part of your brain that looks after you. It reminds you of tasks to do, worries about things (perhaps unnecessarily at times) and in general wants the best for you. Its intention is pure – your improved life. However, we pick up habits from others during our childhood and adolescence that determine how we manage ourselves. Some of these habits work well, others get in the way. This process is about you, as an adult, working out and deciding what works best and what needs to change.

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